By Austin Gara

Introduction

Gifted children are those children who have the potential and ability to grasp information significantly faster than their peers. They are born with above-average exceptional natural abilities in one or more areas such as Mathematics and languages. Talented children develop their natural abilities such as creativity, sport, music, art, or leadership to profound levels. A child can be gifted and/or talented in many areas. Most gifted and talented children quickly realise that they are different from most of their classmates or other children of their physical age. They crave for intellectual challenges, depth and intensity. Many, therefore, feel socially isolated. The challenge is that some profoundly gifted children struggle socially because they fail to find peers that are at their mental age level. Life experiences and research shows that people seek relationships with others who have similar life experiences. Therefore, it may be quite challenging for gifted and talented children (and adults for that matter) to find like-minded peers.

Many gifted and talented children quite often struggle with worry, overthinking, or cautious alertness. For some, over-thinking may transition to anxiety. This anxiety may develop in an atmosphere of a supportive and loving family, absence of traumatic life events, or absence of a family history of anxiety and depression. It is just something found in gifted and talented children. This article seeks to explore why some gifted and talented children feel emotionally overwhelmed and how their parents may help them to cope.

#How do I know that my child is gifted and talented?

It may not be so easy. However, here are some observable behaviours that may help.

The child asks a lot of questions. You almost get tired of the questions. He/she gets frustrated when his/her work is less than perfect or gets a low mark. The child prefers to work alone rather than in groups and gets completely absorbed in his/her activities and thoughts. These are the kind of children who often burn pots whilst cooking and reading at the same time. The child finds it difficult to conform to majority opinions. Most often, they challenge their teachers’ solutions or opinions, landing themselves in trouble with school authorities.

#Psychometric Assessments

Once behavioural observations point your child to the possibly gifted, the child needs to go through carefully developed, benchmarked tests to determine the degree of giftedness. The tests may include: achievement tests, non-verbal IQ tests, and standard IQ tests. These tests are administered by trained professionals such as your child’s school psychologist or counselling psychologist.

#High Standards

Gifted children set very high standards for themselves, being aware of their personal abilities although sometimes their teachers and parents raise the bars. Even those who may hide their talents from others or underachieve are very much aware of their potential. They will achieve exceptionally well with minimum effort.

#Shame and Anxiety Cycle

For most gifted and talented children, overthinking and anxiety leads to feelings of shame. The child’s state of self-consciousness is heightened by peer pressure, teenage hormones, their own high expectations, and social media. So, when they appear to have made a mistake, perceive to have failed, or to struggle academically, they feel ashamed of themselves, become anxious, and their sense of self becomes distorted. If caught in this cycle of shame and anxiety, the gifted and talented children remain in a seemingly endless battle against themselves.

How Can I Help?

Parents often find it very difficult to talk to their gifted and talented children out of the shame and anxiety cycle. The children will not easily accept failure or anything less than perfect. They are perfectionists. Expressions of love may not change the children’s strong and intense emotions.

Below are a few tips that might help

1. Create a home environment that is free of shame – an environment that allows for the expression of different views including perceptions of shame and how to manage them. Children’s emotions should be treated as understandable reactions that can be managed.
2. Let your child know that you understand their feelings and that you are there to help them go past their distress. The child’s feelings should be respected  and you should not try to solve their problem immediately.
3. Help your child to identify specific skills and strategies that will help them to survive or cope. The child should be able to brainstorm and come up with counter-statements that challenge negative thoughts and overcome overthinking and shame-based reactions.
4. Take your child out to a relaxing place such as a game park and use calming phrases encouraging the child not to worry anymore about the past or trying to predict the future.
5. Help your child to plan ahead for anxiety-triggering situations such as exams or stressful social gatherings such as funerals.
6. Demonstrate to your child that you can laugh at your own mistakes, bounce back from failure, and change course when necessary. Be your child’s role-model when you are faced with difficult life experiences.

Conclusion

Some of the tips and strategies listed above may or may not work for your child and family situation. Your gifted and talented child may benefit from the professional services of a Registered Psychologist, especially when you notice signs of disabling anxiety or clinical depression. These include excessive mood swings, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, hopelessness, disturbances in sleep and appetite, and a sudden drop in academic grades or drastic changes in behaviour. Anxiety and shame need not reduce your child’s love of life.

Austin Gara is an MSc Counselling Psychology student at Great Zimbabwe University and he writes in his own capacity. He can be contacted via email: austin.gara@microcom.co.zw